


There's Always More

by eDawg



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28871649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eDawg/pseuds/eDawg
Summary: Soulmates feel the their other half's pain. It is mostly canon.
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva
Comments: 24
Kudos: 154





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this almost in a daze. sorry if it's not very good.

Ava couldn’t feel anything from her chest to her feet; so, if she had a soulmate she wouldn’t know. Sister Francis always claimed that she didn’t. How could anyone love a quadriplegic? And Ava almost let herself believe her. Almost. But her mother had taught her never to believe people who worked to make you feel unworthy. A lesson she clings to with all of her might. She could feel it slowly slipping through her fingers like sand in a tight fist. She knows St. Michael’s is killing her sprit. It’s a slow march to death, throttled by her sheer will power. But she knew if she stayed much longer the best parts of herself would be lost, maybe forever. 

Sometimes she would worry that her soulmate would think she was dead. She had a lot of time to think alone in bed. She realized that she had no way of feeling their pain, but neither would they feel hers. The connection between souls only showed a window into the other’s physical pain. Ava didn’t have any. She figured that the last phantom pain her soulmate would have felt was the car crash that should have killed her. Any logical person would believe her to be dead. She wouldn’t blame her soulmate if she had moved on.

Beatrice stood under the hot water. Her eyes were closed as she tried to wash of the last battle from her skin. The death of Shannon, the lost look on Mary’s face when she died. All of the violence. How everything seemed to go wrong from the very beginning. She pictured all of it running down her body and down to drain to be carried away to the sea. It wasn’t working. She punched the wall of the shower. Hard.

That’s when she felt it. Pain that made her double over. Like being hit by a truck. It took everything she had not to yelp. To yell out in pain. Her arms were wrapped around herself as if to protect her. Then the pain was gone just as suddenly as it had come. It took a moment for Beatrice to realize it wasn’t her pain. There was almost a sweetness to feeling the phantom pain only alive things can feel. She hadn’t felt the phantom pain of her soulmate since she was eleven. She had assumed that her soulmate was dead. It was that pain that had led her by the hand into the arms of the OCS.

When she gets hit by a truck the pain is almost euphoric. It sucked balls, but it was also the first pain her body had felt in twelve years. Her body that could move again, feel again, and pain was part of it. Pain could be good. She was still alive and well. That there was no lasting damaged sent alarm bells through her head which she tried to ignore unsuccessfully. The stich in her side after she had sprinted on the beach was also a good pain because it meant that she could run again. And when she jumped into the pool her burning lungs and accelerated heartbeat told her that her heart still worked. So, pain could be a very good thing.

It wasn’t until she got out of the shower that she glimpsed the new scar on her back. It was a round scar, and there was no mistaking what made it. Only it was impossible; her soulmate was dead. It was a mantra she had whisper to herself every night trying in vain to convince herself of the lies she had created. That she would never be loved. That she didn’t deserve to be loved. More importantly if her soulmate wasn’t dead that meant she was the new halo bearer whom they had lost. Beatrice didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with the fact that her soulmate was not only alive, but she was the halo bearer. Beatrice figured that her soulmate had died. Beatrice supposed that she _had_ died, only she died twelve years after Beatrice thought she had.

JC was hot but Ava knew that he wasn’t her soulmate. It didn’t stop her for longing to kiss those lips. And he didn’t seem to be troubled that she wasn’t his soulmate either. To be honest Chanel was also hot, but she didn’t seem to see Ava in that way and Ava was fine with that. The life that she is introduced to is bright and colorful. It is shinny and fun and meaningless. And it takes all she got to not let this bother her too. She keeps reminding herself she deserves fun.

And it would all be fine if she could stop seeing demons. Literal demons. Fuck couldn’t a girl catch a break. She had always thought that the talk of demons was to scare people into having faith in the church, but she couldn’t think of another explanation for the red mist she saw flowing into people who did terrible things. Unless she was just too high. Yes, that must be it. She couldn’t deal with fucking demons. Nope. Demons weren’t real.

Beatrice wished that the new Halo Bearer would drink a little less at night. She refused to think of her as her soulmate. She had left all of that behind when she had taken her vows. It was hard to go on a morning run with the heaviness of a hangover that wasn’t hers. It was hard to read quietly when every noise was ear splitting. She wished she could tell someone, anyone about what she was feeling but her walls were too high for even her to scale. She cursed all of the people who had forced her to build those walls. All she wanted was a way out of the prison of her own making, but she had long since lost the key. 

And now that Ava could feel pain, she could feel her soulmate’s pain. And her soulmate was either a badass or an asshole because it seemed like she got into fight often. Ava didn’t want to contemplate other darker explanations. She really hoped that her soulmate was some kind of badass ninja who fought bad guys. Maybe what she was feeling was sparing sessions. She could get on board with that. That was HOT.

Ava pushed those thoughts down. She was running with cool people who she could see one day becoming her friends. She is dancing in a club and nothing in the world matters. She has a life back it doesn’t quite feel like hers, but she pushes those thoughts down too. Her legs move when she wills them to. And she pretty sure whatever brought he back has given her magical abilities. Life was awesome. She needed to focus on that. Life was awesome. Life was awesome. Life was AWESOME.

Life wasn’t awesome. Somehow, she ended up kidnapped by a secret sect of warrior nuns. Warrior nuns who fought demons, which were in fact real. And somehow, she exploded sending a shock wave out throwing the two nuns back. Because as it turns out Ava breaks everything she touches. A truth she spent so long hiding from herself. 

The first time Beatrice ever had a real interaction with her soulmate the women was almost inconsolable. She couldn’t stand the way that Mother Superion had treated Ava. Seeing the girl fall apart was very painful to watch and she wanted to make everything better. All she could do is wrapped her arms around her like she wished to be held and hadn’t for years. She felt her heart break for the young woman in her arms. She willed herself to say something, anything at all that would be helpful to her but there were no words.

Later in the hallway she found Ava crying. And she knew she had to force out words any words to help this helpless woman in front of her. If anyone knew what it felt like to be made to feel small Beatrice did. Maybe to distance between her and the Halo Bearer wasn’t a chasm but a crack in the sidewalk. 

“I didn’t kill myself,” said Ava.

“Okay,” said Beatrice testing out loud weather or not she believed Ava. She found that it rang true in her ears.

“I’m serious,” said Ava. 

“Do you remember what happened that night? Before you woke up’ she asked. She figured it had been a long time since anyone had taken Ava’s point of view into consideration.

“I was just watching TV then I fell asleep but… to me it was just any other night. She said they found drugs in my system,” said Ava like she was piecing together a puzzle she didn’t know existed until this moment. “I spent twelve years not feeling anything below my chest why the hell would I need pain meds?” asked Ava.

Ava’s head was swimming. For the first time she thought about her death critically. Everything didn’t add up. She wouldn’t be surprised if Sister Francis had somehow altered the results. Beatrice felt like she might vomit as she struggled to put the pieces together. Was it possible that the woman in front of her was murdered? It couldn’t be. She doesn’t want to believe it but. She tries so hard not to believe it but fails. 

“Perhaps the medical report was wrong,” said Beatrice like it was nothing to believe her. Like she didn’t know like everyone else seemed to that Ava was bad news.

“What does it matter? no one believes me anyway” asked Ava nobody had ever given her the benefit of the doubt. Beatrice wanted to scream but she forced herself to stay clam. She always did.

“Don’t let her get to you. She’s messing with your head. That’s what she does,” said Beatrice. It was true but she would say almost anything to make the woman in front her feel better.

“So, it’s not just me,” said Ava.

“The other sisters call her Crulla de Jesus,” said Beatrice. She gave a little smile. “I may have started it,” she whispered with a tone equivalent to a wink. Ava gives a little laugh that turns into a sob. She feels almost better. And she wonders if maybe Beatrice can read her mind.

“But you believe me,” it more of a statement than a question.

“I think you’re thoughtless and self-centered. But dishonest?” says Beatrice with a shake of her head. She could have kicked herself. Why couldn’t she just say yes.

“Thank you,” said Ava. It might be the first time ever that a nun believed her. Ava gave Beatrice a real smile this time.

“What?” asked Beatrice. (That smile definitely didn’t do anything to her heart rate.)

“I’m just trying to figure out if you’re more or less nun-like than the others,” said Ava. She hope for humanity’s sake it was more.

“I’m guessing you’ve had less than ideal experiences with those who’ve taken vow?”

“Yeah,” said Ava.

“I took my vows earlier than most, if that helps,” said Beatrice.

“You’d think it would,” said Ava. 

Ava was gone in the morning. Part of Beatrice wasn’t surprised. People always left her why would Ava be any different? But the church wanted the Halo in Ava’s back and the church always seemed to get what they wanted. Beatrice knew that one way or another Ava would be back. So, when Lilith went after Ava Beatrice figured that Duretti had gotten Lilith to do what he couldn’t get Beatrice to do. Ava was just another disposable girl who was a pawn in the church’s game. The Halo was irreplaceable, but the bearer was replaceable. Ava had never asked for any of this and Beatrice couldn’t blame her for wanting to live.

Ava almost stayed but she figured that she didn’t owe the nuns anything. It wasn’t fault that a magical piece of metal had brought her back to life. She hadn’t asked it to be shoved into her back. But she did know that now that she had it there was no way in hell that she was going to spend her time with a bunch of nuns. She really had never spent time wondering what she wanted from life, she had never had cause to, but she knew she never wanted to see another nun. And the only person she knew that wasn’t one was JC, so she chose him over being alone.

Ava realized almost too late that she had unfinished business at St. Michael’s, but she remembered just in time. She was just barely in time to save a life, but just in time to get murdered a second time. Like the first time it didn’t take. And the final piece was put in place. Beatrice felt it when Ava almost died a second time and it made very hard to consecrate on what she was doing. It was only her muscle memory that got her through. She wonder what trouble Ava had gotten herself into. She feared it was at the hand of her friend Lilith. For once she was wrong.

Falling off a cliff hurt like a bitch. Ava could have gone a whole lifetime without knowing this and she would be okay. But the sunrise a day after was one of the most profound moments of her life. Maybe owing something to people other than herself could be a good thing. She figured she still had figuring out to do. Leaving Mary striking out on her own even if she knew she’d one day find her way back to Cat’s Cradle was just something she had to do. Mary seemed to understand this even if Ava didn’t. funny how people saw thing about you can’t.

“Is she coming,” asked Beatrice. She didn’t know if she could bear it if Mary said no. she didn’t know if she could bear it if Mary said yes.

“No. but she will,” said Mary.

“I hope you’re right,” it was very nearly the truth. They set in silence for a moment. Beatrice focused her eyes on the road ahead. Her brain was waging war with her heart. She really wanted to tell someone about her soulmate problem but something inside of her couldn’t bear the thought of being vulnerable. But she was afraid what would happen if she held back the words that had been begging to break free since Ava stumbled into her life. Ava who had wreak havoc everywhere she went and right now she was dangerously close to Beatrice’s heart.

“Did Ava somehow fall off a cliff?” asked Beatrice.

“How could you possibly know that?” asked Mary.

“I felt it. I… Ava is… I just know,” said Beatrice lamely. The words soulmate seemed to get stuck in her throat.

“Beatrice is Ava your soulmate?” asked Mary. Beatrice didn’t say anything for a long time. But her silence was enough of an answer for Mary.

“I thought that she was dead. It was almost a relief to know my soulmate was dead because I knew if she were alive, I would never be allowed to have her. At least if she were dead, I could have my dreams of her and that be enough because that is all that there was. But Ava is very much alive, and I still can’t have her, and it hurts more than falling off a cliff,” said Beatrice.

“Baby girl love is always worth it. Even if you have to break something to have it,” said Mary. Beatrice thought that Mary meant far more than what she said. There was always more.

Beatrice comes back just in time to save the day and Ava almost hates how good her timing is. Beatrice hates how much it makes her heart ache to see Ava hurt. She hates the feel of Ava’s blood on her hands even more. Ava is having a hard time breathing and she can’t figure out if it’s because she just got shot by an arrow or because she just realized how beautiful Beatrice is. Neither Ava nor Beatrice know what is going to happen next but it is very clear to both of them that the universe is trying to push them together. 


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava and Beatrice train together

Ava was lost. A moment ago, Beatrice and Camila had been with her giving her words of encouragement; now she was somewhere, sometime. In the middle of a fucking wall that was trying to flow back into the space she occupied. Her body resisted the wall but even so she could start to feel her reality fray; where her body stared, and the wall ended was nebulous. She felt untethered from the outside world, and time moved around her in odd ways. The only thing that was clear was she needed to get out. Now. If only she knew which way was out.

Beatrice was glad that Camila was with her because that way she did not have to worry alone. Ava had been in the training wall for five minutes. She closed her eyes trying to feel any pain not her own. She imagined a golden thread that connected her to Ava. She tried to use it to feel anything at all to help her ascertain whether Ava was okay. She was a bit comforted that she could feel no pain. But she could just feel the edge of something else. Was it panic or fear? Beatrice had never heard of people feeling anything other than pain when it came to soulmates.

“She didn’t take this long on the two-block wall. Should we be concerned?” said Camila disrupting Beatrice’s concentration. Of course, Camila had no way of knowing what Beatrice was up to.

Ava busted out of the wall breathing heavily.

“Ava!” said Camila.

“I think I peed a little,” said Ava. She was still utterly disoriented.

“What happened in there?” asked Beatrice who could feel relief flood her system.

“Basically, it really sucks after a few feet,” said Ava still trying to catch her breath. “I got disoriented and bailed. It’s like I’m solid and the wall is phasing around me. Like walking through syrup or something. But the whole time I can feel the mass of the stone around me. And the longer I’m in there, the more it feels like it’s trying to flow back in and occupy my space. To crush me,” said Ava. It wasn’t the full truth, but Ava couldn’t find the right words to fully express what it was like in the wall. How reality melted away and all there was a sense of confusion and disorientation. 

“What if I could find some way to guide you?” asked Beatrice. She needed to help this woman in front of her. The golden thread yanked at her heart strings. 

“I can help you with that,” said Dr. Salvius. The three women were so focused on each other that they had failed to notice that she had entered the room. Ava hardly trusts the woman but could see no other way then to accept help.

Ava felt like a spy with the earpiece in her ear. But having Beatrice in her ear made her feel safe. It still sucked balls to be stuck in the wall but at least she no longer felt alone in there. Still phasing through even ten feet of wall was taking so much energy, how was she ever going to be able to do twenty? But with Beatrice to guide her she was just able to stumble her way out of the wall into Beatrice’s waiting arms. Well sort of. More like the ground and then Beatrice rushed over to comfort Ava. Almost better.

“It’s okay, you did it,” said Beatrice.

“Thanks,” said Ava. The words hung heavy in the air. And the prolonged eye contact sent electricity down Ava’s spine. There was something left unspoken between them, only Ava had no idea what it was. 

There had to be a way to amplify Ava’s power without hurting her (Dr. Salvius methods sharpened her mistrust of the woman). Unfortunately, Beatrice’s thoughts on the topic were interrupted by Lilith sudden appearance. Seeing that Ava was mostly okay Beatrice rushed over to Lilith who had collapsed. The woman was cold to the touch like she had escaped the wintery fingers of hell, which Beatrice supposed she had.

“Oh, Lilith what happened to you?” whispered Beatrice.

Once they were alone Lilith grabbed Beatrice’s hand. “I need to talk to Ava.”

“Why?” asked Beatrice. As far as she knew Lilith hated the other woman.

“I just feel a need,” said Lilith. This did little to comfort Beatrice. 

Ava paced in the hallway. Lilith was alive. Lilith was alive. Something like relief tainted by guilt soaked into her skin like water from a puddle soaking into socks. She didn’t know how to feel when it came to Lilith. She had gone from villain to hero so fast Ava had gotten whiplash. But she was glad that she wasn’t dead anymore it gave a fighting chance to pay her back for saving her life. In an odd way Lilith and she had more in common now than anyone else in world. They both being on their second life and all.

“Ava,” said Beatrice making Ava jump.

“Oh, hey, I was just… yeah. So, how is she?” said Ava. She felt all hot and itchy, like her skin was on too tight. 

“Alive, somehow,” said Beatrice.

“Cool, cool,” said Ava. 

“You should see her,” said Beatrice. For some reason, the idea of Ava being alone with Lilith made her feel uncomfortable. 

“Yeah umm, she probably needs to rest so…” said Ava.

“It was your name she called out. What are you scared of?” asked Beatrice.

“For one she tried to kill me and for two she laid down her life for me, and I just have no idea what to say to her,” said Ava. Beatrice considered this for a moment, but before she could say anything Camila walked out of the room.

“She’s asleep,” said Camila.

“That’s good,” said Beatrice.

“I found this in the journal. Thought it might help,” said Camila handing Beatrice the Halo Bearers’ journal.

“Thank you, Camila. You should stay with her,” said Beatrice. If it sounded like a dismissal Beatrice didn’t mean it like that.

Beatrice took Ava’s hand gently and lead her to a break room Julian set aside for them. She had no idea where the boldness came from. On the battlefield she was fearless (almost to a fault) but when it came to interpersonal relationships, she often found herself steeped in fear. But Ava was so lost she could not help but reach out to her, to make the imagined tether real. It was almost a subconscious gesture like her heart had reached out first and her brain was just now catching up. She interlaced their fingers to bring them closer together. She held her breath hoping that Ava wouldn’t let go. 

Ava liked how Beatrice’s hand felt in hers. She had this odd feeling whenever Beatrice was around it was something like a warm hug or a soft breeze on a summer day. She wanted more of it. She wanted to make the other woman smile. She wanted to protect Beatrice, though she figured she wanted Beatrice to not need protecting at all. But maybe that was the problem. All of the sister warriors were young. Could there be a way to end all of this?

Beatrice was crying. And it wasn’t until Ava asked her about it that she realized it. Leave it to loud, brash, funny Ava to push pass all the warning signs. Beatrice had always held people at a distance to keep them safe from herself; but Ava refused to notice how dangerous Beatrice really was. Maybe she could find her way around the thorns to the frightened little girl underneath. The very thought terrified her. But it also made her feel hopeful.

“Don’t hate what you are. What you are is beautiful. I’m sorry for your pain,” said Ava. The contrast of her current demeanor and her normal demeanor gave what she said more gravity. 

“Don’t be. Because now we get to tap into yours,” said Beatrice. It almost sounded like a threat.

“Umm how ‘bout I go and talk to Lilith now? Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Byyye,” said Ava and she bolted. Beatrice sighed, today was going to be a rough day.

Ava literally ran out of the room to avoid talking about her pain. It wasn’t like she didn’t have any it was rather she had too much. Pitiful little Ava stuck in a bed for twelve years with nobody but Diego. Where was the power in that? For the first time in her life, she had a chance to be useful and she was going to fuck it up because she didn’t have enough energy to get through a wall. Everyone would be better off if the Warrior Nun was still Sister Shannon. Ava stopped just short of following that train of thought to its logical conclusion. 

Without really thinking about it, Ava ended up outside. She almost ran straight into Camila. Camila was standing several feet away from Lilith clearly keeping an eye on her. It reminded Ava of her first day at Cat’s Cradle.

“What’s up?” asked Camila.

“I’m just umm running away from Beatrice,” said Ava shocked at how truthful she was being.

“Huh, good luck,” said Camila. She didn’t seem that optimistic about Ava’s chances of warding off Beatrice.

Very slowly because she still had no idea what she wanted to say Ava made her way over to Lilith. There was no rule book for talking to someone who was supposed to be dead. Of course, that applied to Ava as well. They were both miracles of the highest order.

“Ava,” said Lilith.

“Hey. I’m glad you’re back,” said Ava it almost sounded genuine.

“Are you?” asked Lilith. Her tone was not at all accusatory just curious.

“I don’t know,” said Ava, because today was a day for honesty. Lilith laughed a little in response.

“I owe you my life,” said Ava.

“You’re one of us. I should have been fighting with you not against you. I let Duretti play on my pride. I shouldn’t have trusted him. Can you forgive me?” asked Lilith.

“I just did,” said Ava. She started to walk away. “I’m really glad you’re not dead anymore,” she added.

“You too,” said Lilith.

Beatrice gave Ava a head start before following her. She realized that the other woman needed some space to figure something out with Lilith. When she finally caught up, she found Ava outside in conversation with Lilith. She stayed just inside the door watching. She was glad that Ava and Lilith were clearing the air between them, but she still had a slightly uneasy feeling about Lilith. Something was definitely off about the woman. She was comforted to know that Camila was keeping an equally watchful eye on the two women.

Ava was back inside the wall. This time it was the full twenty feet long. Guiding the woman who was supposed to be her soulmate through a wall took trust exercise to the next level. So far Ava was doing great, but she could hear how hard she was breathing soon she would run out of energy and she was only about halfway through. She had to reach Ava and help excavate her pain so that she could tap into that elemental part of herself.

“What are you holding onto? What is it that you are afraid of? What is holding you back?” asked Beatrice.

“That I don’t have enough power,” said Ava.

“That is a physical limitation. That’s not what’s in your soul,” said Beatrice. 

“Yes, it fucking well is because if I drain the halo I go back to being paralyzed,” said Ava.

“That’s what you’re scared of? Paralysis?” asked Beatrice. She was very doubtful that this was the real heart of the matter.

“I’m afraid of being left alone in some sick bed, with no one,” said Ava.

“But that would never happen. It wouldn’t matter if you were quadriplegic, festooned with boils, or a talking head in a bag. You would still have us. You still have me, and I would never leave you,” said Beatrice.

“Do you really mean it?” asked Ava. And Beatrice wondered not for the first time whether anyone had ever told Ava that she was worthy of love in the past twelve years.

“I do,” said Beatrice. 

Breathing hard but this time stumbling out of the wall in the right direction Ava didn’t have time to fall to the ground before Beatrice caught her. Both women held on to the other as if the other was solid ground in a vast sea of uncertainty. Their eyes connected and for a moment Beatrice forgot what she was doing. She stroked Ava’s face.

“You made it!” said Beatrice.

“Only thanks to you,” said Ava.

“Can I kiss you?” asked Beatrice.

She was a nun but, in this moment, it didn’t seem to matter. There was Ava and there was Beatrice and everything else in the world didn’t seem to exist. There was nothing not their mission, not the church, just Ava. The golden thread that she had imagined had entwined the both of them. She had forced herself to believe she didn’t want this for twelve years. But that lie she had told herself over, and over had started to unravel little by little, and now in Ava’s arms it came completely undone. 

Ava’s scenes were filled with Beatrice and she loved it. It was like she was lost before now, and now she had found her way out of the wilderness and into the arms of Beatrice. Nobody had made her feel quite so safe as Beatrice did in twelve years. Nobody had even tried. She had been led to believe that she was unworthy of love and security, but with Beatrice she was starting to forget those lies. Maybe she would be able to hold on to this love. Maybe she would not have to lose everything she loved.

“Yes,” breathed Ava.

Then they were kissing. There was momentarily no room left for thought, just action. If anyone were to happen to walk by, they would be blinded by the glow coming from Ava’s back. But neither woman was aware of this. Beatrice was mostly focused on how soft Ava’s lips were. Ava wanted to what Beatrice’ tasted like. They only pulled apart when they needed to breathe.

“Wow,” said Ava. Beatrice didn’t say anything but smiled a smile that expressed more than any could ever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please tell me what you think 🤔  
> Please take care of yourselves.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this. Please leave kudos and comments. I think it will have three chapters but I don't know yet it's not planned out. also I'm working on another fic right now so who knows how fast I'll update. life is crazy and my job is crazy.


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